“That’s when you know someone doesn’t know shit about astrology. When they say something idiotic like, ‘I hate Aquarians.’ Like, that’s not possible. They’re wrong.” -Alex Nightingale
Aquarians want everyone to get along, but they’ll stop before their actions lead to confrontation. There’s a reason why you never see an Aquarius on Real Housewives. Art acts as a medium for the humble Aquarius to express all their unspoken ideas. And they tend to be pretty good at it. The quality of their art is of the upmost importance, and they have the focus to execute a project to perfection. Plus, if you know an Aquarius well, you’ll know that behind their eccentric exterior, lies a chronic fear of embarrassment. However, this fear fuels them, and it tends to pay off once the project is complete.
This air sign doesn’t shine in a room bustling with acquaintances. They’re not like Libra or Gemini. Aquarians are the wallflowers observing everyone from the corner of the party. Arms crossed, mouth stiff, they’re most likely sporting their best resting-bitch-face. But don’t let their detached nature fool you, these people are far from bitchy! Start a conversation with them and you’ll be surprised by their eagerness to discuss any topic. They love conversation, but they prefer debating Game of Thrones fan theories, to discussing the fluctuating humidity in Fort Lauderdale. If you’re skilled enough to move past small-talk, you’ll find that Aquarians are an excellent buddy to have. Their support is unwavering, and they seldom turn down an adventure. They’re there when you need them, and they know when to give you your space too. In the end, they just want to facilitate peace and help everyone get along. “Unless that’s not what you want! Whatever you want is fine. I’m go with the flow.” -An Aquarius in response to this article probably
I collect Cancer-rising friends the way I used to collect state quarters, with patience and appreciation as I quietly gawk at their beauty. I used to judge their sensitive exteriors, fiddling with my hair tie as I noticed the liquid forming in their eyes. ‘Oh god,’ I’d think. ‘They’re gonna want me to comfort them. I’m an Aquarius. I don’t know how to do that shit.’ As I’ve entered adulthood and befriended more and more Cancer-ascendants, I’ve come to understand them better than the 2nd grade version of myself who made my Cancer-rising grandmother cry at a cheerleading competition. They’re sensitive—yes. And it is not a quality they’re proud of. However, unlike a lot of Aquarians, they don’t judge others for spontaneous outbursts. As I become more in touch with my planets in Pisces, and endure breakup after breakup, and live in a world where Trader Joe’s discontinues their champagne vinaigrette, I find myself depending on my Cancer friends. I know that when I knock on Jordee’s door at 11PM after I’ve just been dumped, she’ll listen while I cry, make me toast, and force me to drink water. And two weeks later, she’ll check-in to repeat the process without complaint.
With that being said, I advise everyone to go hug a Cancer today. However, there is a dark side to the first of the water signs. All that love and emotion doesn’t come without its, sometimes irrational, dramatics. After all, Taylor Swift is a Cancer moon. But understanding that it usually comes from a place of raw, uninhibited emotion makes it difficult for us to fault them. They make excellent best friends. But maybe take caution before handing them a guitar and a country record deal.
If you pay attention to your Facebook notifications around August, you might notice a peculiar trend. Perhaps the profile pictures flooding your Birthday feed seem oddly…similar? A well-crafted selfie with a subtle Valencia haze? Long hair framing the face, unkempt yet styled to perfection? Eyes wide, smile soft? It’s as if they’re hiding a piece of gossip so destructive, even Blair Waldorf should take caution. This hot trend can be described in two words: Leo face. Taking Instagram by storm, Teen Vogue predicts this craze will be hotter than the 2016 choker come-back. And why shouldn’t it be? Leos are hot. Not just in the way they can execute a selfie to Paris Hilton level flawlessness (who just happens to be a Leo moon herself), but also in the way they carry themselves.
But let’s not forget about the more reserved Leos. Even the shyest of the fixed fire, when in the right setting, will light up the room with giggles when interacting with a close friend. Their quiet, yet powerful presence, won’t go unnoticed by the group. And how could they when they look so damn fierce? So the next time you spot Leo face, give that selfie a double tap. They’ll appreciate it more than you know. And in the words of Paris Hilton, “That’s hot.”
Does my closet have enough space for my Taurus moon? I considered asking my landlord this as she began her tour of our new apartment. My triple air roomie seemed to think it was just fine, clapping his hands with uninhibited enthusiasm at every reveal of a new nook or cranny. My new closet is the largest I’ve ever had the pleasure of owning. It takes up the length of an entire wall, with a wide shelf adorning the top. The left side has two rods, one several feet above the other, to allow for twice the storage. The right side is mammoth, with dimensions almost deep enough to encompass my dozens of sequined accent jackets. But in regard to my original question, the answer is no. My closet is not big enough for my Taurus moon. I’m not sure if Kim Kardashian’s closet is big enough for my Taurus moon. And why is that? Because I love things.
My other roommate is a double Taurus. He never has enough money for the five dollar cover at Clifton’s, yet it seems like every day there’s a new package at our door. I sigh as I turn over the cardboard and discover what I already knew. Another package for the double Taurus. What is it this time? Another criterion DVD? Another Blondie record on vinyl? Fancy caramel syrup for his morning latte? All of the above?
Christian and I have both been labeled “stingy” at one point or another, but he’s not stingy when it comes to Trader Joes’ fresh mozzarella, and I’m not stingy when it comes to Argon oil shampoo, because although I wear my hair curly, I need the Brazilian oils to reduce frizz while I live in the least humid city in the world. It’s worth ten extra bucks, I promise. Or at least that’s how I rationalize it at the CVS self-checkout. What I’m trying to say is, it’s not a matter of being stingy, it is a matter of knowing our opinions and having the patience and determination to obtain the objects we deem valuable. We’ll take caution to avoid spending more than we have, because how else will we accumulate the funds for our following purchase? I’ll eat nothing but pasta for a week if it means I’ll be able to afford the pair of pastel pink Adidas I’ve been eyeing since Sunday. And now they’re half off! It’s a life of earthy comfort, a life of simple pleasures, a life of pretty mugs and good sex. It’s a pleasant existence to take part in, if only I had a second closet.