Is This Closet Big Enough for my Taurus Moon?

Does my closet have enough space for my Taurus moon? I considered asking my landlord this as she began her tour of our new apartment. My triple air roomie seemed to think it was just fine, clapping his hands with uninhibited enthusiasm at every reveal of a new nook or cranny. My new closet is the largest I’ve ever had the pleasure of owning. It takes up the length of an entire wall, with a wide shelf adorning the top. The left side has two rods, one several feet above the other, to allow for twice the storage. The right side is mammoth, with dimensions almost deep enough to encompass my dozens of sequined accent jackets. But in regard to my original question, the answer is no. My closet is not big enough for my Taurus moon. I’m not sure if Kim Kardashian’s closet is big enough for my Taurus moon. And why is that? Because I love things.

I do not love all things, however. I am not like the child in the candy store. No, a more accurate comparison would be to that of every spoiled brat from MTV’s “My Super Sweet Sixteen.” I want a Porsche, but not just any Porsche. I want the 2018 edition that hasn’t been released to the general public yet and I want custom eggshell leather seats, and I want to receive it at my Quincenera and not a day earlier, okay mom?!? 

My other roommate is a double Taurus. He never has enough money for the five dollar cover at Clifton’s, yet it seems like every day there’s a new package at our door. I sigh as I turn over the cardboard and discover what I already knew. Another package for the double Taurus. What is it this time? Another criterion DVD? Another Blondie record on vinyl? Fancy caramel syrup for his morning latte? All of the above?​​

​Christian and I have both been labeled “stingy” at one point or another, but he’s not stingy when it comes to Trader Joes’ fresh mozzarella, and I’m not stingy when it comes to Argon oil shampoo, because although I wear my hair curly, I need the Brazilian oils to reduce frizz while I live in the least humid city in the world. It’s worth ten extra bucks, I promise. Or at least that’s how I rationalize it at the CVS self-checkout. What I’m trying to say is, it’s not a matter of being stingy, it is a matter of knowing our opinions and having the patience and determination to obtain the objects we deem valuable. We’ll take caution to avoid spending more than we have, because how else will we accumulate the funds for our following purchase? I’ll eat nothing but pasta for a week if it means I’ll be able to afford the pair of pastel pink Adidas I’ve been eyeing since Sunday. And now they’re half off! It’s a life of earthy comfort, a life of simple pleasures, a life of pretty mugs and good sex. It’s a pleasant existence to take part in, if only I had a second closet.